How The Growth Mindset Helped Me (Made A Bad Day Turn Good)
Yesterday was a bad day for me so much so I was on the verge of giving up (yet again). My phone rang at 5am which woke me up in a panic. “Has someone died?” “Someone’s in trouble” “have PPI stooped to a new low” were some of the thoughts going through my mind, so I jumped out of bed to answer but didn’t get there in time.
I unlocked my phone to see who had called, to my relief it was just the garage. They needed the keys to my car (I had dropped my car off the night before but didn’t feel comfortable posting the keys, so I planned to drop them off when they opened at 8am). I tell myself at least it’s got me up nice and early (positive thinking and all that jazz).
I drop the keys off and then log into my clash of clans. I had an attack planned from last night but I was waiting for clan castle troops. Finally it had been filled so I was ready and raring to go! I started off with a queens walk as planned and then placed a giant down only to find my queen was low on health. I dropped a rage spell (it was too early to use her ability) but it was too late she died! Oh fucking no, that was not suppose to happen. I tried improvising by proceeding with the attack but failed miserably and potentially costing my clan the war. To some it might only be a game but the thought of letting your team down is probably the same no matter what form it is in.
What a perfect way to start the morning! Me and my girlfriend had a house viewing later in the day so I planned to do some work in between. Things always seem worse when you’re anxious so after an hour or so I took what I refer to as an early break to try and settle down.
Funnily enough that turned into a session of Zelda (playing games helps to take my mind off things). I look at the time and realised we needed to view the house in 15 minutes. Guilt kicks in as that so called break had eaten up half of the day!
I hadn’t even showered so had a quick freshen up before rushing off to attend the appointment. Social anxiety kicks in, and I start to worry about my body language and eye contact. The landlord and his wife seemed nice enough but were very vocal about how hands on they are.
From visits every 3 months and strict requirements such as keeping all the doors open regularly (to let the air travel better throughout the house), changing water crystals, water filters, keeping the 20+ hedges and bushes down to a certain length etc we would need to be pro-active with maintaining the house.
In reality she struggles to maintain the hedges she has at her current house so that could be a problem. After an hour of talking we conclude the viewing but I feel low and exhausted. Scrutinising every word and action I said and did in my head I just wanted to go home and drink. But it was leg and back day. In the past I would already have cracked open that bottle of red wine and started drinking it until I stop caring about everything.
I still had a bit of resilience left in me. I eventually picked up that barbell and got on with my work out as intended. I felt proud of myself but still felt like a failure dwelling on the events of the day and then negatives from my past. I still went and cracked open that bottle of wine but at least I had done something positive that day. I hadn’t drank wine in a while so just the 2 large glasses did me.
I then start drunk messaging my friends and feel worse when one of them says they are confused with what I was saying. Leading to me feeling even more like a failure. Its now the next day (well technically) and I am up at 4am worrying about the messages I had sent and how much of a screw up I am. My bad day might seem trivial to others but it was traumatic for me (as is the story with anxiety).
I then look into a post on The Unseen Project which talks about the growth mindset. You need to see failure as a part of your growth otherwise you will stagnate. The mistake I have made again and again over the past 10 years is I stop trying after I had failed. I sit there waiting for motivation to come and find me as opposed to looking for it myself.
It will take a while to get used to, but the growth mindset is a great foundation to build success, and even encouraged me to turn a negative into a positive by writing this blog. I hope this blog gives others the faith to preserve no matter how grim things may seem. Thanks for reading!